if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
