I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
