She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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