dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Drunk is not a location!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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