I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
