we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
