Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
