Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
