shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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