I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
