apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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