its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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