Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
