she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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