How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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