he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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