Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
