I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize