I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Less talking, more tequila
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize