When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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