First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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