Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
