Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
