I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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