I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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