Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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