I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
