Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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