I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
