I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Mom said you looked used
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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