I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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