i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Found the puke drawer
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
