The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
