At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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