I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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