I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
