I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Terrible idea I love it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
