This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
