I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
