ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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