I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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