around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm passing your future prison.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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