so that wasnt chicken after all
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
