I heard we made out
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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