i can't believe i had my finger in that
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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