don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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