I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
