peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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