Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize