I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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