i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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