I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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