his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
