are you so shy because you have an std?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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