great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize