Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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