I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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