Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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