I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
