I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
