he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
