Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
