So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
