Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
