yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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