if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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